Stuff on my mind... in my heart, things that make me smile, laugh, think... What inspires me, confuses me, entertains me... I love this especially, from author Thornton Wilder: "We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures." That, is perfect...

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Yes


And in this place and time, in this moment, I still see it, can feel that warmth surrounding me, being totally surrounded and consumed and knowing that I as I probe your depths, it is you that is inside me... I feel that incredible warmth, heat that holds me, floating, transfixed, lost in this moment of anticipation, building, yearning... yes, I, am, inside... inside you, all the way, but it is not enough, never enough, the fever, hold me right there, clench around me, hold me in your nether depths like you want to take all of me... moist urgency, clenching muscles, then clenching teeth, fists, butt muscles, all a symphony of sex, yes, not moving now, just holding here, can I go on, is there another millimeter that I could push further, can you spread for me a little more, take me in deeper, I can't be in deep enough, should we go on from here, start the fever, frenzied push that leave us gasping and heaving, and leaving some of me in you... as your eyes hold me, hold me right here, just as tightly as your sheath grabs me and beckons me further... let us hold on, right here, right now, and know that this moment, it is not about completion... that will take care of itself, but in this moment we are complete, the puzzle pieces fit, the clocks have all stopped, the calendar has no meaning - we have this moment, we are this moment, we cannot be deprived of what is here, what is now...
Sliding back, not out, knowing that at some point, I must take leave of you, but for now, let us go forth into this great adventure, let us find that rhythm, ride this wave, take this moment, and build on momentum, I want you, take me further into your depths, have me now, take me all the way, this great act of acceptance, not to fulfill some want, to scratch some itch, not to play out some evolutionary urge, but take me, have me, all of me, let me, show me, urge me, yes, yes, I cannot close my eyes, as you own those, I feel that beckoning urgency, you clasp my soul with your pools of light, and your body composes the symphony of echoes, and cries, and grasp around me, urging me to fill you, fill you, take out that last oozing ounce of emptiness, and have me splash inside you with a willing, aching, yawning yes... yes, now... we have this moment, and then can freeze it, keep it, call it up and lovingly turn it over... yes
No hurry, no worry, no haste... just being, being inside you...yes... being, being inside you, let us hold onto this, being together, inside you, this moment is forever...

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Hidden namesakes


I usually post all original stuff, things that I write. But this caught my fancy, as I am a connoisseur of words. I thought that this was very cool... from the magazine "The Week" page 48, December 4, 2009 edition. The origin of words... The article describes words, and how they came to be... some have been bandied about recently, others are part of our common usage, and some are, well... just interesting.


"Author John Bemelmans Marciano pays tribute to the forgotten figures behind 10 everyday words."

John Montagu, the fourth Earl of Sandwich, is famous for a particular type of obscurity. You may know nothing about him other than that he was saved from oblivion by the way he liked to snack—with a slab of salt beef stuffed between two pieces of toast. He is famous, in other words, for being the obscure figure behind a word that people often assume was not named after anyone. The earl might be the patron saint of a condition we might call anonyponomy. He is a man who is almost anonymous despite the eponymous use of his name in everyday language. He is not alone, though, in this limbo. As the examples here show, there are delightful, remarkable, and ridiculous figures and stories lurking everywhere in our speech.

MAVERICK (n.)
Samuel Augustus Maverick was a Yale grad­uate, lawyer, Mexican War veteran, and San Antonio mayor who owned so much Texas real estate they named a county after him. In the mid-1840s, Maverick accepted a herd of cattle in exchange for a debt and, not caring much for livestock, neglected them to the point of allowing calves to wander about unbranded, a cardinal sin in the free-ranging days before barbed wire. The lack of a brand became a brand in itself: Whenever anybody found a stray calf with no markings, they said, “That there’s a maverick.” Metaphorical uses soon followed.

GUY (n.)
In the wee morning hours of Nov. 5, 1605, Guy Fawkes was arrested in a rented storeroom under the House of Lords that was suspiciously packed with 36 barrels of gunpowder. Under torture, Guy confessed to being part of a Roman Catholic conspiracy to assassinate King James I, his family, and both houses of Parliament; he was hanged.

For more than 400 years, Guy Fawkes Day has been celebrated across the United Kingdom with fireworks and bonfires. On these crisp, late-autumn nights, children parade effigies of Fawkes through the streets chanting, “What shall we do with him? Burn him!” Upon reaching the great central bonfire, the kids toss “the guy” into the flames and then, if they are traditional, follow it with an effigy of the pope. Etymologically speaking, a “guy” came to mean someone of grotesque appearance, which came to include everyone, at least everyone in America.

DUNCE (n.)
John Duns Scotus was a Scottish theologian and one of the most influential thinkers of the Middle Ages. An ardent follower of St. Francis, Duns Scotus spent his career at the universities of Oxford, Paris, and Cologne. He provided the definitive argument on the then culture-war issue of the Immaculate Conception, after which it became Catholic dogma that Mary, the mother of Jesus, was conceived without sin. For his delicately shaded approach to this and similar difficult issues, he earned the nickname Dr. Subtilis, and his theories held sway from his 1308 death through the end of the Middle Ages.

Duns Scotus’ followers, the Scotists, dominated theology until another gang of scholars, the Thomists (after Thomas Aquinas), encroached on their turf. These new philosophers ridiculed the hairsplitting sophistry of Dr. Subtilis and his Dunsmen (pronounced DUNCE-men), who were impervious to learning anything new or different. In the intellectual rumble of the Renaissance, the elegant theories of Duns Scotus were knifed on account of his blockhead followers. To be called a “dunce” became the worst insult a would-be man of letters could receive.

TAWDRY (adj.)
Once upon a time, (the middle of the seventh century), there was a young English princess names Æthelthryth, or, as the Normans would later call her, Audrey. Princess Audrey was widowed after a marriage that, we are told, was never consummated. She took a vow of chastity, but her father the king required that Audrey marry again; her new hubby, understandably less than thrilled about her promise to God, bribed the local bishop to make the vow go away. The bishop instead helped Audrey escape, but hubby got wise and gave chase. Divine intervention in the form of a prolonged high tide provided Audrey cover for her getaway, causing her husband to give up and find himself a more ready gal to marry. Becoming a nun, Audrey founded the Abbey of Ely. Many years later, as she lay dying after a life of good works, Audrey developed a red, burning tumor around her neck, which she gladly accepted as punishment for the many frivolous necklaces she had worn in her youth. As a reward for Audrey’s extreme devotion to not having sex, she was sainted, and her feast day was celebrated with an annual fair held at Ely.

In a show of medieval irony, a certain kind of frilly silk neckerchief was known as St. Audrey lace, or “Taudrey Lace.” This item was a top seller at the St. Audrey fair, especially among “country wenches” who bought the cheapest and gaudiest varieties, paying little heed to Audrey’s cautionary tale about the link between necklaces and neck tumors.

PANTS (n.)
Pantaleon was an unmarried physician and citizen of the pagan Roman empire who could, simply by invoking the name of Jesus Christ, perform such miraculous acts as healing the blind. Jealous, Pantaleon’s fellow doctors denounced him to the emperor, who asked the good doctor to give up this Christian nonsense—whereupon Pantaleon proved the power of God by curing a man of paralysis. Having witnessed the trick, the emperor condemned Pantaleon to death for practicing black magic.

As is the case with many Christian martyrs, death was the beginning of a second life. Pantaleon became the patron saint of bachelors and physicians, and his name could be invoked to cure a variety of ailments. When the Black Death swept through Europe, St. Pantaleon’s stock went up dramatically in places like hard-hit Venice, where a spectacular church was dedicated to him. “San Pantalone” became so identified with Venice that his name was borrowed by the commedia dell’arte for the character of the prototypically greedy Venetian merchant.

The commedia dell’arte had story lines harking back to Roman times, but was played out as improvisational farce. Each actor of the troupe dressed in mask and costume as one of a repertory of stock characters, such as Arlecchino, easily recognizable in his trademark diamond-patch outfit and better known to us by his Frenchified name, Harlequin. The costume signature of Pantalone was a pair of red leggings that reached the feet, a distinctively Venetian manner of cladding the legs that audiences outside the region found remarkable. Over the years and in various languages, the character’s name was borrowed to describe varying fashions of long trousers and related garments. By the mid-1800s, the Anglicized name Pantaloon had comfortably been shortened to “pants.”

JANITOR (n.)
Pity poor Janus, once the mightiest Roman deity of all. He was the father of the gods—until his worshippers fell all over themselves for the flashier, sexier Greek pantheon and left Janus to be the god of doors. Janus was well suited to his task, at least, having a face on both the front and back of his head. Those who attended to the god of doors—that is, doorkeepers—came to be called janitors.

WIMP (n.)
The original wimp was J. Wellington Wimpy, the porkpie-hatted mooch of the Popeye cartoons, whose perennial gambit “I would gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today” never quite succeeded.

E.C. Segar’s Thimble Theatre, the comic strip in which Popeye first appeared, is remarkable for its contribution to the lexicon. In addition to “wimp,” Segar is also responsible for the word “goon,” from his hairy warrior woman Alice the Goon, and probably the vehicle name Jeep, after Olive Oyl’s pet Eugene the Jeep, a magical and resourceful creature from the fourth dimension whose entire vocabulary consisted of the single word “Jeep!”

CARDIGAN (n.)
The Charge of the Light Brigade, immortalized in the poem by Alfred Lord Tennyson, was a big fat mistake. A miscommunicated order during the Crimean War’s Battle of Balaclava (1854) led to a cavalry assault so foolhardy that the enemy Russian troops thought the onrushing Brits had to be drunk. The doomed but brave sally sparked the English imagination in a romantic period when the doomed but brave was much celebrated.

The leader of the charge managed to make it through unscathed, and went home to England a hero, an unlikely outcome for James Thomas Brudenell, the seventh Earl of Cardigan. Cardigan had risen through the army via family connections and purchasing commissions; he certainly hadn’t done it by being an upstanding citizen or military man.

In one respect, however, Cardigan treated his subordinates splendidly. Wanting his 11th Hussars to be the spiffiest regiment in the Queen’s army, Cardigan spent an estimated 10,000 pounds a year of his personal fortune outfitting them. Reportedly, this included a knitted, button-down vest of Cardigan’s own invention that he and his men wore under their battle uniforms to stave off the Crimean cold. Whether true or the fantasy of an enterprising sweater salesman, the story was widely believed, and with everyone wanting to copy the heroes of the Light Brigade, the cardigan became the fashion of the day. What would Mr. Rogers have done without them?

FRISBEE (n.)
In the 1930s, a couple of drunk Yale students munched down a pie and started playing catch with the leftover tin plate. The game took off, and soon the whole campus was eating pies and playing the new sport. The students’ pastry of choice was made by Mrs. Frisbie’s Pies of Bridgeport, Conn.; it’s unknown whether this preference speaks to the quality of her pastry or the aerodynamics of her tins, which came embossed with the company name.

Mrs. Mary Frisbie was likely amused by this tossing around of her plates; certainly, her bakeries were selling a lot of pies—80,000 a day in 1956. On the other side of the country there was a guy who would’ve envied her: Fred Morrison had created a disk designed specifically for flying, but no one was buying them. Trying to cash in on the UFO craze, Morrison released the Pipco Flyin-Saucer, then the Pluto Platter, which caught the eyes of the Wham-O corporation. Wham-O executives had recently created the biggest fad America had ever seen, the Hula Hoop, selling 25 million units in four months. They purchased Morrison’s designs, realizing why success eluded him: His names all stunk. They soon learned there was already a better name for a flying disk—Frisbie—in a place where the sport was wildly popular. Wham-O decided to call its plastic version the same thing, but to trademark the name, it changed the spelling to Frisbee. (Very tricky.) The Frisbee wound up being Wham-O’s most popular and enduring product.

CRAPPER (n.)
Thomas Crapper is a man yet to receive his due. Most reputable arbiters of etymology deem urban legend the idea that he had anything to do with the word “crapper.” To be sure, the word “crap” predates Mr. Crapper. Crappa was a medieval Latin term meaning “chaff,” from which developed many variations, all generally meaning something left over. Crapper as a last name similarly has agricultural roots: It is a variation on Cropper.

The first usage of “crap” in regards to excrement was recorded in 1846, too early for it to have anything to do with Thomas Crapper, who was not yet 10. Young Crapper, however, would grow up to be an early purveyor of the flush toilet. His London firm manufactured thousands of such toilets, all emphatically marked CRAPPER’S. American servicemen visiting London during the Great War thought this was the funniest thing they had ever seen, and, according to one theory, brought back with them a new word.

It does seem fair to question, however, just how a plumbing-fixtures manufacturer came by so serendipitous a surname. Fate? Or was it a case of nominative determinism, in which Thomas’ surname steered him into his life’s work? Or did Thomas choose the name Crapper for professional advantage? That would show some serious dedication to marketing.

From the book Anonyponymous: The Forgotten People Behind Everyday Words by John Bemelmans Marciano. ©2009 by John Bemelmans Marciano. Used with permission.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Merry Jolly Happy Wonderful Thankful



And as I spend a few moments to catch my breath before scurrying off on yet another Christmas related mission, I have to be thankful for a few moments. It's not thanksgiving, but the end of the year and the Christmas season always trigger reflection over the past year... I can lean towards getting all atwitter at some of the less than favorable things afoot in my life... and it is easy enough to invoke the "look at me, woe is me" thing... What I choose to reflect upon at this moment is all the things with which I have been blessed.

I could list or catalog or inventory the many blessings with which I am surrounded... my kids first and foremost, and the love and support of friends, my abilitiy to think and communicate, and my nice girl Maggie, who loves me without condition and reflexively... a warm house, and on and on and on... Liane is so very important to me, and I would be remiss without mentioning her. Rather than blather on and repeat and recook the same sentiments I leave you with this: Merry Christmas, and many blessings to you and yours in the coming year.

"We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures." Thornton Wilder.


Friday, December 11, 2009

and again...


Besides the multitude of celebrities, I have been party to at least ten funerals this year, four in the month of January alone. Over Thanksgiving the father of another close friend was buried.Yesterday, my daughter and her boyfriend attended the funeral of a woman from her boyfriends Army Reserve unit, who involved in a horseback riding accident just before Thanksgiving, and passed away last weekend. My brother's mother-in-law died Wednesday at the age of 83. We go, we hug family, we hear eulogies, some powerful and inspirational, some tired and empty - some we don't hear at all, as we are lost in our thoughts of mortality and the meaning of it all...

Cayla, the woman whose funeral was yesterday, was 22. She was married January 9, 2009. Her husband was in Iraq when she was injured in the accident. She never regained consciousness... and last week the family made the decision to donate her heart, liver and kidneys for transplants. Four people will get new life because she lost hers. Cayla joined the Army right out of high school, and had been in Kuwait for a year from mid 2007 to mid 2008. She was in college seeking a degree in large animal veterinary science. It's over now, she is resting in the cold, frozen ground.

Her husband will have to go back to Iraq. Her unit will carry on without her. Her family has memories and a whole in their hearts. And life will go on, whether we want it to or not. My prayer is that her almost 11 months of marriage was fulfilling and made her happy. In years to come, her husband will be able to remember her and smile and know that their time was fleeting, but good. We all need to remember that life is like that, fleeting, but good. Embrace today, and each other.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

first snow



And the snow begins to fall outside my window. It is the first snow of the season. The farmer has just finished cutting down the corn in the field across from my house. Everything is so quiet, a car goes by once in awhile, and the sound carries a long time. I always wondered why the quiet seems so much quieter this time of year, and the sounds that do come seem to echo across time and space almost endlessly... then I looked around and discovered - it's the leaves.
More so the lack of leaves. When the trees have leaves, there is a constant white noise of rustling, of the breeze meeting leaves and knocking around inside a tree, dusting the branches, caressing each leaf. And when those leaves have fallen, there is silence in their place. And the millions of leaves that serve as buffer or shields to all the sounds between our ears and the source of those sounds... swallow up and don't allow what we are able to experience in the purity of winter.
Taking a walk this time of year unlocks treasures that are kept hidden from us during the other times of the year. The leaves hide many things from us, and though I love the fall, and as the leaves leave us, they give us a splendor and grandeur that give new expression to the spectrum of color. When those leaves rest on the ground, they give our ears that same chance to drink in a spectre that eyes cannot comprehend. Nature has so many treats for all the senses, but this kind of quiet surely has to be a balm for the soul. The cool air dives into the lungs and refreshes and renews us as well, but being able to turn off all the other sounds and hear just what peace sounds like, is a peace that heals, a peace that caresses and soothes.
Yes, there will be the howling swirling gusts of winter that pound at the foundations, and the snow will pile up and bury many of these treasures, and the cold will be so raw and penetrating, and we will be left wondering what purpose we have in ever leaving our homes... but now, in this light, with the first snow falling, with not a sound to be had for miles around, I can feel the blood pressure plummet, I can feel a peace descending that won't be quickly dissipated. We all have our vision of a perfect day... and yes, a clear blue sky, with a whisper of a breeze on 75 degree day surely might be that.
But here and now - the grey in the sky is sprinkling the confetti that celebrates another change of season. That sky seems to have swallowed up every sound as well, so when that deer darts for cover just ahead, his hooves are like thunder, and we share a kinship of accelerated heartbeat and adrenaline, and does he know that he startled me almost in the same way that I startled him? Around the next bend in the trail, a fox and I share a moment of pensive study, as each wonders what the other will do. I have the luxury of stopping this time, allowing her to go wherever she would like, as I am not out seeking food, just more silence.
In this season of giving and receiving, nature wants to take part as well. It gives us that sense of awe and wonder, and reassures us of the timelessness of all things, this quiet existed eons before I got here, and will not be chased away by helter skelter busyness that people want to chase after. I have come to reclaim my gift of wonder, and the woods gives ceaselessly, unselfishly, breathtakingly, heartbreakingly, quietly.

Monday, November 23, 2009

And I am...

...very thankful this week, and hopefully all the time. We have so much for which we can give thanks. Since the kids were little, the tradition at our house is to say grace at the evening meal, and then go around the table and state a few things for which we can be thankful - guests included need to say at least one thing. I like to stay mindful of being thankful... it is so easy to wallow and get lost in the details and the stresses of day to day living... We are buried with riches from which many other people from many places around the world would gladly accept the things that we discard, or the crumbs off of our table.

I am so thankful for friends, and words of encouragement
I am thankful for memories of fun, love, laughter and friends
I am thankful for creativity, imagination, wonder and the joy at being able to share these gifts
I am thankful for laughter
I am thankful for caring, loving and thoughtful gestures
I am thankful for a text, a phone call, a warm message, just for the heck of it
I am thankful for the health and love of my family
I am thankful for the trip I took last month with my dad and my three brothers
I am thankful for my two absolutely wonderful kids

Amen... I am thankful for all the things remembered and forgotten, in my past, yet to be discovered, for knowledge, wisdom, and the ability to smile in the face of life's challenges.

I am thankful that for all the gifts that my dad has given me, his motto of "Every day is a good day, some days are just better..." will stay with me forever. He recently turned 81, and I am thankful for him every day...

What are you thankful for?

Thursday, November 5, 2009

and so it goes...



I seek counsel and advice from many quarters... I try to listen attentively. I wish to be open minded and consider all points of view. I love to hear what other people have to say. We can only get better by absorbing all the information that we can, and by making informed decisions, yes?

I am conservative by nature - now there is a newsflash. Both in political matters, somewhat in religious matters, though I try not to be unloving and accepting as I can be. I am very conservative in matters of the heart, and having an understanding of me thusly, the rest of me is quite liberal, with, I hope a loving and accepting temperment, some who tries to embrace instead of reject, look for similarities and shared beliefs, instead of knocking down a person who may not think like I do in everything...

I have set out recently, to be more open to more kinds of situations, to reach out to people to see if there might be, somewhere out there, a safe harbor for this tired and somewhat cynical heart. I am still an agnostic when it comes to these matters - yes, people can find that life partner, that soulmate (tired as that expression has become...) - but I still do not know if there is that someone out there for everyone. Just because some people find it, does not guarantee it for everyone.

As luck would have it, or fate or whatever, I made that contact with someone. We had advanced those tentative steps, made each other laugh, had some things in common, and enjoyed similar things. We are not mirror images of each other, but that is not a deal breaker for me - I like strong independence, and uniqueness, and there was pretty to be attracted to. Talk of meeting and getting together... we almost had a chance this past weekend, but schedules did not quite mesh, but there will be other chances...

And so the venture continues. Still tentatively exploring one another - sharing our pasts, sharing stories, of triumph and of disappointments... it's all fun at this point. We laugh a lot, we are very open and encouraging each other, which leads to more sharing. It's all good. She got so comfortable with me, in fact, that she was willing to share with me that she would be willing to meet me, no matter what her boyfriend thinks.