Feeling, much, much better... thank you

I have not blogged in what seems like eons... my time in the summer can be quite limited, and with being a third shift worker with limited internet access at work, it can be a challenge...

Lately, I have had some health issues, and I will fill you all in on it. Going back to June, our Wisconsin summer took a turn for the wet - lots of rain, record rain - the longest we have gone without rain is about 6 days, and when it rains, good golly Miss Molly, it will rain like there is no tomorrow. Yesterday we got a thunderstorm - two and a half inches in two hours, streets flooded, we lost power for a short time... and this has been a regular occurence.

And when it is not raining, our humidity is in the 70-75% range - which is not much by Southern standards, but rather moist and uncomfortable for Cheesehead standards. So the rain and humidity have pitched in to cause some rather high mold levels in the allergy index...

Another contributor might could be, not sure yet, but in June, my daughter's boyfriend gave her a kitten, and little Ruthie could be a factor of causing me further allergy issues. I was diagnosed with asthma about five years ago, and have had seasonal allergies for some time, so it could have impacted me when my immune system was being taxed by other things. Until June of this year, I did not even know where my inhalers were, my asthma was under control and not an issue at all.

So this nagging little dry hacking cough started, and pretty soon I recognized it as my old friend asthma. I found my inhalers and it kept it somewhat under control. As June stretched into July, and I was deeply immersed in my son's marching band season, my sleep time got severely compromised... to the point that if I got four hours of sleep a day, that was a lot... so as mentioned, my immune system was being overtaxed... At work, we started being mandated overtime, so I was putting in 9-10 hour days, six days a week, and I was starting to feel really run down... the cough didn't go away, and started worsening.

Marching band season ended mid-July, but by then, I had to start catching up on stuff that hadn't gotten done around the house and yard, and we had some nasty warm, humid spells mixed in with that... cough, cough, cough... by early August, the inhalers were not doing anything, and the sleep I was getting, was interrupted by the hacking cough. My ribs started to hurt, because I was coughing so much, and not really coughing anything up, no phlegm, just wheezing, and being short of breath.

Last week at work, I finally told my boss at the end of my shift Friday morning, that I had taken several unscheduled breaks in the office to just catch my breath, have some coughing jags and just try to rest, because I was exhausted. He told me to go home and get some rest, and I was more than happy to comply. I didn't sleep at all Friday night because of the coughing, and my son took me to the walk-in clinic at our doctor's office Saturday morning. As soon as he saw me, he heard the wheezing (before even taking a listen with a stethoscope) and said "sounds like pneumonia..." listened to my chest, and said "Wow." He ordered a chest x-ray and white count. White count was normal, and I had no temperature... but the x-ray showed my right lung had a white cast to half the area... he and I both concluded, pneumonia - I had pneumonia before, and this sure felt like it.

He gave me a couple different kind of meds - antibiotics for the infection in my lungs, cough suppressant with codeine to help me sleep, and told me to use my albutoral inhaler as much as I needed. The rest of Saturday wasn't too bad, as I was relieved to have taken some course of action to get me better. Sunday was not too good - I wasn't sleeping yet, the cough suppresant wasn't working too well, and each coughing jag was like someone having batting practice with my rib cage... Monday wasn't better, probably the worst day of all. I went to see the doctor again later that day, he gave me a nebulizer treatment, which helped. He gave me a prescription for prednisone, and told me that it was likely a severe asthma attack, and not pneumonia. He also gave me something for allergies, in case something was at play there as well.

So I had a pretty comprehensive battle plan in place - something for pneumonia, something for allergies, something for asthma... What happened next was pretty grim. Albutorol has a stimulant in it - and after the nebulizer treatment, I could feel the elevated heart rate. The prednisone also has a stimulant in it - it is a steroid and anti-inflammatory to fight the inflammation in my lungs. My heart rate soared, but nothing yet had kicked in to help my breathing, and so it felt like my breath stopped at neck level. I started having a panic attack, yelled at my kids, I couldn't sit down because I couldn't get comfortable, and couldn't stand because I was exhausted... my kids were pretty scared.

Back to the doctor, and he concluded that I needed to be hospitalized. I got there about 8:30 Monday night, and the resident who admitted me said my wheezing was out of control and quite "impressive." A quick nebulizer treatment helped a bit, but the heat rate was in the 130-140 range, almost double my resting pulse rate... they put me on oxygen, and gave me the prednisone in an IV... by morning I was so much better... it seemed to have finally gotten to the inflammation... and throughout the day on Tuesday I improved more.

They didn't want to let me go, because a normal person's oxygen saturation level is around 95%, and I couldn't get mine over 90. Finally a respiratory therapist showed me some breathing techniques, and by around 4 yesterday afternoon, I was cleared to go home. I had great care in the hospital, it was a brand new section of the hospital, great nurses, CNA's, doctors, staff - everyone... I got back home around 8:30 last night, and spent a restful seven hours in my own bed.

Not out of the woods yet, completely - meds for a spell yet, I have my very own nebulizer to help me if breathing gets compromised again, but all in all, I am much, much better. Thanks to everyone for your care and concern.

Though it wasn't pleasant, and I care not to experience it again, if this is the worst thing that happens to me, I am truly blessed. I have much for which to be thankful...

(hmmm... don't seem to have the ability to post pictures, what's the deal?)

a reason to pause

Amidst the blinding chaos that my life has been the last few weeks with the marching band about to leave on their 12 day trip out east (departed safely and on time yesterday) - increased work time, lack of sleep and whatever else went flashing by in my life that I could not attend to, I got an e-mail from my cousin about two weeks ago... We think of closure as something that closes a door, heals all, and swiftly takes us back to whatever "normal" is...

When you lose a child, that is nigh onto impossible, I cannot fathom the difficulty, the pain, the anguish. Some of you may recall, from 360 land, that my aforementioned cousin, my godmother, lost her son, a 36 year old pilot for the state DNR, in April 2009 in a plane crash whilst he was spotting a grass fire while on duty. To say the least, it was devastating. He left behind his wife and two little boys. The reason that his mom contacted me was that they wanted to include his bio in memorial to fallen firefighters which will be published later this year.

So amidst everything else, I agreed to do that. It was due today... so when the buses pulled out yesterday, I came home and set about the task of remembering Heath. I had written his obit, so I didn't want to do that again - I wanted to immortalize him. What you read is what came forth, I guess something that sits in my brain for ten days or so, can finally come forth when called upon. His mom and his wife loved it, and that is all that matters to me. Take a moment, hug and squeeze all those who are precious to you, and take a minute to remember those who make the ultimate sacrifice for us. Heath died while helping to safeguard our land. I still miss him, his wife, his little boys, his whole family, trudge on with huge holes in their hearts.

I just want to share a little sliver from an awesome life.

Heath

Department of Natural Resources – Wisconsin
Pilot
Date of Death: April 8, 2009
Age: 36

It’s been more than a year, but the pain of loss is just as fresh. The disbelief that someone who could live so fully and completely could be taken from us in the blink of an eye, is not one ounce less than the first moment we learned that he was gone. On April 8, 2009 a star truly fell from the sky, as Heath’s stay among us was cut far too short. That we are richer for having had him here for as long as we did there is no doubt, our memories are fond of the fullness of his life - his love for his family – his wife Jenny, son, Matt and Brett, his parents, brothers and extended family, and his genuine calm, smiling nature will stay with us and inspire us always…

Heath was a pilot, and he left us living the passion of flight. He was spotting a grass fire for the Wisconsin DNR, it could not be more appropriate that one of the true pleasures of his life was what ushered him from this life. The only passion that surpassed flying - was for Jenny and the boys. Had he his choice, of course he and Jenny would have taken great joy in spending many years together, watching their boys grow to honorable manhood.
There was a time in our country's history when people served their fellow man because they could do no other. Part of Heath's DNA was that if it involved flying, he believed that any risk was manageable, and that he could not imagine life that did not include flying. Working for the DNR allowed him to merge two of his great passions - his love of nature, and the feeling of peace and fulfillment that he felt when flying. A semi-famous letter from a soldier involved in the US Civil War to his wife, written in 1861 captures this sentiment "I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter..." And that captures Heath as well - if it involved flying, he knew he could handle many kinds of situations, and was therefore willing to accept some of the perils of that pursuit in exchange for the exhilaration that came with soaring above the earth...
His love for Jenny and the boys is deathless, and it bound him to earth as much as anything could… but there was that irresistible need to breathe in the sky, that washed over him like a strong wind, and though he used his skill and talents to serve others, there can be no doubt that his last thoughts were Jenny and the boys. Is it any wonder that when his family went back to fly over the site of his last flight, he found it necessary to show us that his spirit will always be carried upon the wind.

Greetings from...

The dark side, the graveyard shift... from the shrouds of night time... it is me, the erstwhile blogger, much more frequent commenter... I have to work out some kind of deal with whatever/whoever the being that apportions the hours of the day... somethin' just ain't right.

I started working third shift on Easter Sunday, April 4. Two and a half months later, and I have to say that I don't mind it, but I have not instilled the proper discipline of getting the sleep that I need. As I sit here writing this, my bones ache from fatigue... This being marching band season, I am trying to squeeze every last ounce of my free time into helping the band do what it needs to do... Two weeks from yesterday, they will leave for their 12 day trip to Boston, with stops in Ohio, New York state, ending with their normal season ending visit to Traverse City, MI for the National Cherry Festival, where they will march in two parades and perform in a field show. I should be able to catch up with them in TC to end the season with them, but the job thing has wiped out any opportunity for me to do the entire trip...

One of my "to do" lists is 12 items long, and that's just my Thursday list for the band. You don't want to see my yardwork list, and my housework list would be enough to chase anyone into therapy. Right now I am thriving on being busy... but when those coach buses pull out of the parking lot on June 30, and I am not happily ensconced in my front seat behind the driver... well, just be aware that I might be a tad crabby. It will be the first band trip that I will have missed since I started in 2005... Life goes on, but it makes me a tad sad, yanno?

Time to get back to work. I have choked down my second 20 oz diet Pepsi Cola, and so I need to have some resolve for the last two and a half hours of my shift. I am working 12 hours tonight, so the tiredity is bit more profound... this too shall pass... This morning when I crawled in bed, I giggled like I was having a lurid sexual affair, but it was only me, crawling betwixt the sheets, no one else was there. But getting into bed felt that good... I can't wait to do it again in a couple hours.

Just me, reporting that I am alive... Carry on.

off we go... My musical tribute to Lisa...

With anything that takes awhile to complete, there can be an aura of expectation, and with this project, there is no difference. I, in fact, tried to create some expectation. The project to which I am referring is a song dedication to my friend Lisa (shesjustagirl). When I contemplated it, it soon become apparent that just one song would not do... so before I go any further, let me cue up the intro... a wonderful song:

 

This will be a musical journey of sorts... not sure where it starts nor where it will end... but here it will go. I picture meeting in a park, on a beautiful summer day, and talking and laughing and exchanging tons of anecdotes, of finding out more about this remarkable woman who likes to think shesjustagirl... not, sorry Lis - lots more going on. I have to laugh though - the way you refer to men and women, even me, at my advanced age - as a boy... chuckles... Back to that walk in the park - it might not remain as just a walk in the park for long, I would try to find our way to a lake front, as inhaling a soft breeze off a body of water is intoxicating... As we walk, I would try to explain to you what went into my thought process for your song dedication... I knew that as soon as I started I would have to include this one... I love it, and it kind of reflects the walking that we are doing ourselves, and our mutual love of music... and the way that we both enjoy reflection, and well - give a listen...



If you don't smile during that song... ya have not got a pulse, lass... I tell ye. Breathing in the fresh air, having been refreshed by the dopamine of laughter, and having enjoyed some aural cuisine...and sometimes we walk in silence, and find ourselves just grinning at general giddiness... I know that you like current music, and I enjoy some of it too - I have a new appreciation for it because of some that you have shared. If you don't mind. I will share older stuff, stuff that I got accustomed to listening to... here is one - I shall embark on a dance related theme for a bit here, as I know that you enjoy that... I hope that you enjoy this one as well... note here, Lis - how he takes some liberty with language. You seem to enjoy that when I do it... May - I have this dance?



A nice little jazzy interlude, yes? When I was quite a bit younger - sometime in the dark, misty folds of time, back when all things were analog, before anyone knew what that was, and we had just emerged from the "everything in black and white" era... I enjoyed this group, they were pretty big for a time, back... well earlier in man's history, ok? I even went to one of their concerts - and I played one of their songs in my "music and more" of a couple of weeks ago. In keeping with our dance theme of present, I bow, kiss your hand, and ask for the favor of you presence with me on the dance floor, forthwith...



I have always loved that song... ok, I am old... sorry if that got some dust on you. There is something about music that has a joy to it, has that "joie de vivre" as the French say... I think I can conjure up one more for this portion of our musical meandering. And I shall conclude this portion of this musical memory tour with a large hit from a huge star of the 80's... he did some wonderful things with the Commodores, and then on his own. I give you, Mr. Lionel Ritchie... oh by the way, not sure if I am sticking with the dance theme here, but this could work for that...



We covered a lot here... a lot of styles, and a couple decades. But I think it was fun, and I'm not even tired... just so that this doesn't get to be several city blocks long, I will end this segment here, and let you listen, enjoy and reflect. And on another day, I shall continue, with more of my music, for you... Are you liking?

Song dedication - to my friend Lisa

A song dedication to my friend Lisa - who got a promotion to a new job this week. Though the job won't make her a billionaire - though who knows... as she is that good, and deserves it... she does like music. This is a fun song, and I thought that she might like it. This is my contribution to her celebration of her new job... Congrats Lis - you are the most bestest...

My son the percussionista...

From a talents show last Wednesday (May 5) at his high school... my son is the second one onstage, sitting third from the left as they perform. The kids came up with this entirely on their own - and just had a blast performing. They were playing Rock Band one night, and they went to the part of the game that will randomly generate a band name for you, and it came up with "Snuggle Thursday" - they liked it and kept it... Enjoy

Music and more

He said she said he replied she countered he thrusts she parries he suggests she counters
 "Thanks for meeting me here, I wasn't sure if you would..."
"Well, you asked, so you must've felt somewhat confident that I would come..."
"I hope that you do..."
"Do you always have to go there?"
"If I do not ask, there is 100% chance that you won't meet me here..."
"Agreed. You are so logical sometimes."
"Why did you meet me here, it seems as if there are a thousand other things you'd rather be doing..."
"Thousands and thousands..."
"You always say that - why is that?"

"I am old - it's a Saturday Night Live skit from the 70's - it was one of their definitions for multiple orgasms."
"That so fits, on so many levels..."
"Oh come now, can't a body have some fun..."
"You always say that, too - 'oh come now'..." 
"Is it ever the wrong time?"
Anticipating an eye roll and a look off into the distance, I propose a musical interlude that shall include close quarter dancing... I have just the song - it is an oldie...

"There now, I think that did us both a bit of good... you have no idea how good it felt to hold you, and you smell delicious."
"Thank you - I love dancing, and that was a lovely song. You know I am sucker for music."
"Dancing is almost always appropriate, and useful, and enjoyable... thank you for saying yes."
"I said yes?"
"We danced, did we not?"
"Oh yes, I thought we were talking about something else..."
"We're always talking about something else..."
"You know, your eyes are so expressive... a few minutes ago, they were somewhat distant, now, they are warm, almost smiling..."
"It's the dancing - I got lost in that song..."
"Slow dancing does that for you?"
"I love dancing, different dancing does different things..."
"Slow dancing is one of my favorite forms of foreplay... it's like stretching before an athletic event..."
"Oh so that was foreplay?"
"Might have been... might have been slow dancing for its own sake..."
An ice cube in your mouth, displayed for my benefit... tongue working around it, it begins to melt, and you have no regard for the destination of the drippage...
"I loved how you held onto me, out there, I felt so alive, needed, wanted... as if nothing else mattered in the rest of the universe..."
"I love how you move, and how you melted into me, it was very erotic."
You reach out to take my hand, and you circle my forefinger with your hand, and your fingers of your other hand dance on my wrist and forearm...
"Would it be too forward of me to say that I am wet right now?"
"Nothing is too forward for me..."
"Will we be leaving soon?"
"We can. I might like to dance some more... you know, foreplay is all about the journey... I want to enjoy it..."
"I want you to enjoy my tongue, and all its talents and treasures..."
"We don't have to wait for that... there are many forms of expressions for that very useful of organs..."
I took in a deep breath, all the way down... let the peace spread through me, unconsciously, or reflexively, I licked my lips, and ran my tongue over my teeth, revealing that my mouth was dry, but waiting, anticipating... the talking was fun, but taking a toll...
"I propose another dance... another oldie... so be it... shall we?"
"Ah, yes, please... the long version, I hope..."
"The only version, as it should be..."

"Thank you... wow, thank you. That was more than a dance... that song has always been so special to me..."
"Mmmmmm - you have no idea... what a song. Can we go now? I mean can we?"
"Such urgency." A knowing smile, as the head went lower, the smile spread... "Is everything ok?"
"Um, more than ok... just would've been helpful had I worn panties, yanno... I am so turned on. Just sayin'..." The lower lip was bitten, the eyebrows came up, the eyes just a little downcast. "How long you going to keep me waiting?"
"Don't think of it as waiting, think of it as something to be enjoyed for its own sake... If it is foreplay, then the destination will take care of itself..."
"Does everything need to be analyzed and cerebral?"
"No, but just trying to enjoy every moment, each unto itself..."
"I want to lower myself, unto yourself, and have at it... understood?"
"Understood. Will you be able to hold out for one more dance?"
"If you can hold me up... I am so close... holding my legs together and squeezing, it's as if the very air we breathe is a stimulant..."
"Got it... just one more song, I promise... then it shall be as you wish..."
"I mean it, I am a quivering mass here... please..."
"Thank you... one more song - can you indulge me that?"
A weak smile, with a hint of determination... "Yes, it's not like I am dying, I don't know, I just want you, is that so bad?"
"Nothing like being wanted... nothing... Shall we dance?"
"Yes, please..." The touch was electric. The hands went quickly from draped about my neck, to urgently holding my butt... there was scarcely room for any of creation's smallest particles betwixt us... she took one leg and place it right outside of mine, with full contact, as if opening herself to me. "You could have me right here, right now..."
Her voice trailed away... the song was just now beginning, but we had warmed up for it, working up to it, oblivious to anyone else, and our surroundings... we had our own music and rhythm...

"Oh... my... God..."
"What?" And the question was immediately answered... as her grip upon tightened, fingers clenching, breath out of control, I held her tight, as she dug her chin into my shoulder, and her hips rattled jackhammer like against mine... I just held her, held on, held tight. Music, movement, nothing else mattered. Beauty, this moment, timelessness, urgency, and nothing, absolutely nothing else... her breath on my neck, on my ear, her arms trying to hold on, hold on, hold on...
And the music was no more...
"I think we are ready now..."
A raspy, disjointed voice whispers "Ya think?"
And the hand holding as we walked off the floor was as lovely, as warm and as intimate as the hours that followed.