the throwback

I know, this is an anachronism... something from the past, the way far gone past. I care not... I shall scribble upon paper until this vexation betwixt my ears goes away... I would say until this knot around my heart subsides, but that shall happen never. I just came to a conclusion... an epiphany, you might say... I discovered something that caused me consternation, and with this feeble assemblage of words on page, I shall attempt to rectify this awful shortcoming...

I have never written you a love letter. I have never written you a letter... small, almost meaningless difference. As you were the author of my resurrection, any letter that I should write to you would be of the loving kind. As I sit here with sunlight streaming in, music wafting around me, I feel as if I am enveloped in a lovely little cocoon, alone with my thoughts, and you wrapped around my heart. I hope that I have the poetry within me to do justice to the task of wringing upon this page the syllables and syntax worthy of your eyes... I wish there were a mechanism that could be employed to download the smiling of my heart directly onto this page... and yet, so much of what fills me at this moment are images, are emotions, are memories with which the written word, or even it's sibling in verbal form, are hopeless, hapless, helpless in correctly conveying...what only my heart can see and say.

You took a sleepwalking, hibernating, barely conscious man and jump started his heart... he lives, he breathes he veritably overflows with life now... seeing how this has happened, the smiles come often, the laughter caroms around inside my head, the head nods without prodding... every thought, from the most fleeting to those knitted together on sleepless nights, taking nearly hours... they all share the same fabric, the same substance, the same material... thoughts of you.

I had read poetry before, I had partaken of love stories, of soaring romantic tales of loves and lovers and people who peopled our past... and yet, when the heart ponders these images, there is a warmth, a rushing rapid of blood coursing through my veins... destination? My heart... My Heart, of course it's there, as you are the origin and source of such things. My laughter cannot ring out any more, lest there be tributes to you, and the laughter that we have shared...

I can't learn anything new, without the hope of sharing it with you. I love a full moon, as we can peer at it together, no matter how far apart we are, and share that image... the images, the moments, the memories which bind my heart to yours... The moments of having shared those smiles, when my eyes devoured you, when your eyes continued to shine and smile upon me. The slight tilt of your head, the eyes blink, and for the first time, I understood what it meant for eyes to smile.

And thank you, My Heart... thank you for all that you mean, and all that you are... I care not for how much effort you expend at being you... because you fully achieve whatever perfection this life affords. Thank you, for your generous nature in sharing those smiles, turning your eyes to me, giving that look to me that says that this moment is all we ever need. As I frame your face with my hands, I kiss the part of your hair, to the forehead, downward over your nose... the breathless "I love you" cannot help but cascade from my lips... because I do...

Walk with me, hand in hand, and let the clock be damned. Empty yourself of your cares, of the things that you saw today, of the quirks and oddities and absurdities that only you seem to catch... but then share them as the unique and vigilant witness to the world that you are... My breath escapes me, mirroring your breath. A love song echoes this "My body aches to breath your breath, your words keep me alive..."

And as time wends its way, as time will, we have possession of time spent together, of things shared, of what we are, that melding of you and me that is the equation that has no other solution under God's watch... it is, thank you, that answer that is only when I am added to you... And you added to me is a constellation of things that I never was when I was alone. And now... having had them... I can never be diminished back to that level of insignificance. I am now... much more, than I ever was before.

If the words were equal to this task, they would never cease. And as my mortal life has limits, so does this humble passage. You... you came to inhabit this heart and soul... a life inhabits this soul, where previously only a pulse and mere organs stumbled around upright. Thank you for reaching down into my heart and flipping the switch. I know not if I have assembled anything of meaning to you, except that I tried to keep up with the murmurings of my heart. This smile, upon my face, and within me, shall not dim for me all of my days.

This is for you, you who bestowed life upon me. I have learned that there is value here, within me, as it somehow found connection with you. For that, eternity knows that my gratitude will inhabit it... I can feel you now, this moment. And let the words ring forth, in this moment until the last, I love you...

My Heart, this is your love letter...

And a few more...

About to leave Peninsula State Park, looking to the east, toward Ephraim... 02/12/2012

Sunset on Feb. 12th, from the shoreline just south of Fish Creek, WI

The sun sinks, the cold gathers, the silence yawns... 02/12/2012

The darkness begins to reclaim the shoreline... tomorrow one could return to this same spot and see things completely changed... Ta ta Door County, nice to spend time with you again, my friend... You always make me smile

Continuing on my tour of Door County, WI: February 12, 2012

What the eagles see from Eagle Bluff...

The awesome power and beauty of Lake Michigan in the winter... a mild winter at that...

Downtown Ephraim, WI... had it all to my ownself... warn't nobody anywhere...

More from my favorite place...

The sun setting over the Bay of Green Bay, just about the same time that Whitney Houston was leaving this earthly existence. Feb. 11, 2012

Look how I strike fear into this tiny winged creature... 02/12/2012

This little guy thought I was the gravy train... the birds just flocked around me in the hopes that I was going to fill the bird feeder. 02/12/2012

Waiting patiently for me to get the food out... 02/12/2012

Walking up to the Eagle Bluff Lighthouse, over looking the Bay of Green Bay 02/12/2012

Looking out into the Bay, pondering how desolate this spot must have been 100 years ago, when a family lived here and the lighthouse served the shipping industry of the Great Lakes 02/12/2012

Just a few of the snippets from Peninsula State Park, near Fish Creek, WI 02/12/2012

48 hours of battery charging

We Cheeseheads are proud people. We love our home state, brag it up continually, will run, not walk but run to get in front of a TV if we hear the state name or a locality located within it mentioned on a national network or forum of some such... Wisconsin has a lot to be proud of, I love it here, though at times it can sound like a love/hate relationship... it has four seasons, and at times it can feel like we merely have road construction, winter and August 15, we really, really do have changing weather patterns and a lot of variety, and yes... extremes.

Today's Cheesehead travelogue finds us in Door County, the peninsula located on the extreme eastern side of the state, the thumb jutting out into Lake Michigan. It's about 75 miles or so north of here, and this past weekend, some buddies and I ventured there to just get away... sample some local flavor, quaff some fermented malted beverages, breathe in some fresh air and do whatever we wanted.

I was successful. The guys were too happy to sit indoors or vegetate in the whirlpool for too long at a time, but hey, it was their time, they spent their money to get there, and they were welcome to do whatever it was that meant time off/time away to them. I had to commune with my favorite honey, Mother Nature. The picture above is of the sun setting on Saturday, as I drove up there... it was breathtaking - the stark, cold, forbidding ice swallowed up and dragged the sun out of the sky... leaving gathering darkness and damp, chilled-to-the-bone cold behind...

On one of my sojourns, I went into Peninsula State Park and did some hiking. The sun shone so brightly, the quiet was absolutely stunning, and yet at times the air was so alive with life - the breeze, the birds, with Ma Nature telling her stories of storms, of knocking over trees, of vigilant hawks, nosy racoons and hungry bunnies, squirrels and birds... Case in point, that chickadee who figured since I was a human, I must be the guy who fills up the bird feeders, right? They were hungry, and all I could do was make a mental note that next time I come up, stop at the bird food store just outside of Sturgeon Bay and get some feed for the feathered dudes and dudettes...Chickadees and martins and sparrows, landing on my head, my shoulders, my arms... waiting for a handout...

This picture is a view to the northwest of some islands located in the Bay of Green Bay (the body of water betwixt the Door Peninsula and the mainland state of Wisconsin). It just looked so stark and desolate... and breathtaking. The artist who was doing this artwork was truly inspired... the way the ice breaks up and is pushed toward shore, to reform, refreeze and then break up again, and then to get lightly or heavily sprinkled with snow... I stood on this bluff and almost felt the need to kneel in the silence, the power and majesty of the view seemed to require some show of reverence...

Here I am gazing out into the clear blue of Lake Michigan, pondering how it was to live in a lighthouse back 100 years ago or so. To my right, not pictured, is Eagle Bluff Lighthouse. Various men and their families lived here, on this site, in the lighthouse, to aid in navigation of the Great Lakes. A young man of 18 lost his life, in full view of this lighthouse, walking from the island, visible in the background, to Fish Creek, which would be a few miles to the east (right) of where I stand. He was walking to Fish Creek to get the mail, and fell through the ice. The man standing watch in the Eagle Bluff Lighthouse watched helplessly as the accident happened a half mile or more out from this point. By the time help arrived, they had to begin search operations. Eventually they found him and he is buried a few miles away in a local cemetery.

Such harsh reality. I stood in complete silence and pondered how past generations probably just accepted the fact that the elements were going to win sometimes. The lighthouse is no longer manned, it is a historical site. And a memorial.

On the last leg of my journey on Sunday, I bid the sun adieu once again... and was enveloped by the cold again.

Pictures don't do justice. Well, for me they do. I get to ignite those memories, and to feel all those feelings, listen to the snow crunch as I made my way up the road to the lighthouse. A two mile walk slightly uphill, as the park closes the road to the lighthouse in the winter. Closes it to vehicles, but welcomes those of us willing to invest an hour or two in fresh air and being serenaded by nature's songbook.

I have spent many a lovely day in Door County. I will forever make a point of going there to visit... in any season. So many good memories, so much treasure for the senses. Part of my Wisconsin. Part of our Wisconsin. I love bikini weather, sunshine, warm salt air, and listening to an ocean... but, listening to nothing, and puffing up my lungs with frigid air, and being just for the sake of being has its place too.

God Bless Us Everyone...

I stayed home last night. It was planned, I needed a day to catch up, to breathe, to light a fire in the fireplace, have nothing or no one to keep up with or keep tabs on or owe any time, sweat or attention to... I watched a couple of movies, I read for awhile, the kids were in and out all night, visiting with friends, having some friends over, but me, the living room, the fireplace and the TV were kind of off limits... I just wanted to have time to think, to be, to watch out the window, to stare blankly into space, to enjoy not having to go anywhere or be anywhere or to have to do anything... to snooze for a bit, to have a very minimal presence on the computer... I said a couple of hello's and for the most part, the extent of my computer presence was sending the above picture from my phone to my e-mail and then saving the pic to my hard drive...

Every so often, not often enough, I take one day for me. I spend so much time indulging in my kids, who deserve it, my job, which doesn't - but I am committed to them and so I owe them my best, to four or five volunteer outfits which I truly love, and the efforts that I give them are truly labors of love, so they don't really take from me, as much as they give me energy and joy and much more than they take from me... But to have the opportunity to light the fire in the fireplace, and take some time to myself, once in a great while, is truly a blessing.

It's not all self-indulgence. I do inventory. What have I done well, what needs more work, what deserves more of my time, where would I like to devote more of my time... I give thanks for gestures of kindness and thoughtfulness - that takes some time because I truly, truly have been blessed in so many ways, by so many gracious, kind, generous friends, neighbors and family. I often am reminded of Thornton Wilder's truly insightful quote:

"We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures."

Thank you for all that you have brought to my world, to my life... this 2011. My heart is full, not conscious of all my treasures as they seem too numerous to fully focus upon, but be it known by these presents, I am blessed, beyond measure. May 2012 be of a similar nature for you, in all regards.

One of the reasons that I like it here

Hi there intrepid troupers... lovers of the written word, friends, acquaintances and dilly dallyers of the of the blogosphere... I always talk rather glowingly of how much I love where I live. I do. Nature abounds, fresh air, lots of space, plenty of work, but that is not a bad thing. Here are a few snapshots from off of my deck, this Friday past. I get lots of deer around here, rarely a buck. This one was helping himself to the apples that fall off my apple tree. I throw them in a dead spot on the edge of my property - the apples are not very good to eat, human wise, the deer like them just fine. They recycle them back into my lawn, it's all good - definitely a circle of life thing... He was eating his fill, in no particular hurry. He seemed so at ease - now this is last Friday, day 6 of the open gun hunting season for white tailed deer in Wisconsin. When he left, as he is shown doing in the bottom photo - he ran around the baseball field adjacent to my land, and out into the nature preserve - almost as if he knew that he was safe there - no hunting is allowed there or in the county park that is adjacent to that. We watched each other with about the same interest. I was so glad that he came to visit, and I trust that he was happy that I only shot him with a camera.