hello, good night

Vince Lombardi said that "fatigue makes cowards of us all..." and I could not agree more. I am tired, but tired is transient, and everyone gets tired. There's nothing worse than being wore out and drained on a Monday with the whole week stretching out before me, taunting me...

I didn't sleep well at all last night... apparently I was not the only one so bedeviled... but I managed to stay in bed, keep the TV off, lest I get caught up in the endless cacophony regarding the health care bill... I consciously stayed awake, did not read, and just laid on my back and told myself it was OK to rest, and not to sleep. I wish that I would have believed me.

My daughter was home for the weekend, but we are no closer to solving her situation regarding her college future... I tried to keep it civil and conversational and supportive, but I am the dad, and so much of what I am saying sounds like, well, the "wah wah wah" that you hear when an adult speaks in the Charlie Brown cartoons on TV. I can even hear it myself when I talk. I love her, want only the best for her, and really have no agenda to force upon her, but she keeps tossing aside anything that I say... Frustrating, draining... perplexing...

My new job is good, I still love it... Today was one of those days that makes me feel like an old dog who will never learn all the new tricks necessary to perform up to their expectations... I was competent, but slow, I felt, tedious, and asked entirely too many questions. I try to keep my attitude positive at all costs, and show that sense of urgency that demonstrates that I am not just wandering around putting in my time.

I texted my daughter at lunch today, and told her that I love her and just want to do what is best for her. She texted back "ok." My ass is tired. Some days I can buck up and give myself the old "every day is a good day, some days are just better," mantra that is one of my dad's favorite lines. Most days it works. On a day like today when the coward in me is too tired to accept any kind of positive... I shall raise the white flag and head off to bed, to try to grab some z's that eluded me last night. I could call one of my brothers and he could hit me with his usual prescription - "you just need to get laid..." but now having thought it, wrote it and read it... I guess I can skip the call...

I shall sally forth  to the bedroom and watch CSI Miami until the eyelids get too heavy... and when 5:30 AM arrives and the alarm clock summons...  maybe I will find that this wallowing has at least cleared my brain of some of the issues. Tomorrow is another day, maybe a better one.