The walk continues - the snow, the night, the quiet

As I continued walking, I was shrouded in the silence. For the first time, I felt the cold, and was keenly aware of being alone. This park, during the summer, is bustling with any number of activities. Now, I was the only inhabitant. That thought created a feeling of vulnerability, and it was very strong... The snow continued unabated. I turned the collar up on coat, thrust my hands deeper into my pockets, and trudged on. I followed the bend in the road, down a hill.

I was hit with moonlight in the face. The trees had parted, and the moon struck me full on. A recent warm spell had thawed the river, and the water moved freely again. The eagles must like that, having more opportunities for fishing. The scene stopped me dead in my tracks. I watched the snow fall, it was really piling up. Before me was the softball diamond, scoreboard, bleachers... all of it. As if Charles Dickens had led me here with the ghost of Christmas Past, I watched a scene from a time gone by, as it played out before my eyes...

When was it, how long ago? It matters not. It will be an image playing in my mind as I draw my last breath, as the conscious will view my life as it passes before my eyes. Let me linger right here, and be in that moment again. I am walking on a certain section of bleachers, like a kind of target. I get to an assigned place, wheel and head back in the other direction. She stands some distance away, and tries to pelt me with snowballs. An idyllic setting, another winter night... warmer then, maybe not temperature wise, but her presence made it so. No, it was warmer, the big flakes coming down, easily packed into snowballs. The current snow, too cold to make snowballs...

I hear her laugh. I can always hear her laugh. My foot hit the edge of the bleacher that I was standing upon and I fell off, with much noise and the flailing of limbs... Aluminum bleachers can be a tad unforgiving, what I wouldn't give to feel those bruises again. She shrieked, a combination of fear and hysterical laughter - she was genuinely afraid for my well-being, but could not hide her mirth at the clumsiness of the fall. Of course I wasn't hurt, shattered limbs would not have allowed me to dampen that moment... When she knew that I was alright, the laughter would not stop for some time. It was a fortuitous fall, as she held me so tight, both as a gesture of comfort to me, and as an aid to herself to keep her from falling down amid the peals of laughter.

We stood in the moonlight and kissed, it may have been a brief kiss, I only remember the passion, and not wanting it to end. When frozen in time like that, a moment of bliss and beauty can break the elasticity of time and space. As my current self stood and watched, I felt those arms around me yet. "Ass over tea kettle, oh my god... that's where that expression came from! You... you," unremitting, convulsive laughter, "it was like slow motion - hands, legs, then you..." more giggles, tears now... "you tried to catch yourself... you sure... are you..." her face now buried into my chest..."are you ok?" I feel her trembling as my fall plays over and over in her mind. For this kind of reception, I may make clumsiness a part of my normal routine...

I placed my hands on her shoulders, peered into the loveliness that her eyes always made me feel, and said "I am so glad that I can entertain you." To be honest, one shin, a knee, and a couple ribs were still singing out in genuine pain, but it was so worth it. The quiet that engulfed us, the intimacy that we shared, the night, the snow, the quiet, the setting - thank you, ghost of Lovely Past... why I get to replay this now, who knows... her lips came to mine again. Don't, please... just stay, a little longer.

And I was here again, alone. I felt a stinging on my cheek, and knew right away that the tears were freezing on my cheeks. Another badge of honor, the pain was such a lovely hurt. I made my way down to the entrance to the ball diamond, slipping slightly, gaining a grip on the chain link fence to catch myself. Wiping out here and now would not be nearly as entertaining... A few steps more and I was there again, same spot, same bleacher, only time, eternity, circumstances and memories separated that moment from this. It felt good to be here again.

I sat down and watched the moon. The quiet yawned around me, threatening to swallow me whole. I wonder if she thinks of this at all. My heart smiled. The moon winked. The snow fell. I don't know how long I sat there.